Looking Ahead

In this episode: I return to the usual format, I look to the future, and I give you a list.

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Hello dear readers, we now return to our regularly-scheduled programming. I hope you all enjoyed The Eccentric Engineer Mini-series. I certainly had a lot of fun coming up with ways to rethink how we consider the mind, emotions, and growth as a system. To be honest, I felt like the private labeling one was a little bit of a stretch, but I still had fun writing it, and I hope you all learned something and had fun as well.

I don't really have anything planned for today's post, but I wanted to make sure to write something today to restore the order and regularity of the posts. Lately I've been kind of ebbing and flowing with what I think life will look like for me in the next few years, and to be honest I don't know what that looks like. And becoming okay with the idea of the unknown, of the change is something I've really been actively working on. There have been times over the last few weeks where I've felt uninspired and uninitiated, and the worst part about not knowing what to do with yourself is just that: you don't know. Similarly to how this post doesn't have a definite direction, it still has a goal, which is to convey my thoughts and reach out to you, dear reader, so that we can learn together.

One thing that's been really helpful to me in figuring out what the next steps look like has been going to the gym. I've found some solace in just going to the gym on a daily basis, putting in work, and taking time to think. It's not so much that I have a definite goal while working out other than to get stronger and in better shape, but rather for me it's more about establishing a new routine to sift through the uncertainty. For too long I felt like I was just wading aimlessly, but the gym has added a new dimension of purpose. I'm doing a group fitness class (which is kicking my ass), so the social aspect of it has been helpful as well.

As someone who works in manufacturing, the only thing that's certain, as is true in life, is change. I have always been one to resist change. I prefer familiarity over novelty, and I think that's just because I've always been afraid of the unknown. I've always asked "what happens if x goes wrong" as opposed to asking "how can I use this as an opportunity to learn?" And that hasn't happened overnight. It's been a slow process over the last two months since moving to a new town and starting a new job. Call it a result of necessity, but I really feel that embracing the newness is what has made me shift my perspective on what is and what can be. I don't even know if that makes sense or if it sounds like rambling, but it felt right to me to say it.

For those who struggle with the whole familiarity vs novelty thing and want to try and be more open to new experiences, I'd honestly recommend baby steps. That's how I've been going at it, and I've found it to be pretty effective so far. So I will end my ramblings here, but I leave you with a list of questions I've asked myself and techniques I've used to help get me out of my shell a little bit. I still have a long way to go, but as Panic at the Disco would say,

THINGS HAVE CHANGED FOR ME, AND THAT'S OKAY, I FEEL THE SAME, I'M ON MY WAY

Things that have worked for me:

Spotify Browse section: This one might seem like a cop-out or too small of a step, but I promise you a small step forward is still a step forward. I've always been a person who finds a song and gets OBSESSED with it, and I play the hell out of it. I still do that, but I use the Friday New Release playlist (or whatever it's called) and I scope out new things. I may not have an emotional attachment to it right away, but I put it in one of my other playlists so that when it pops up, I'm pleasantly surprised by the variety and allows my interest in that song to be a slow burn. It's changed my music consumption habits a lot.

Group fitness classes: If you're in college or have access to a gym membership that offers classes, take one and see how you like it. You might be pleasantly surprised at how it challenges you and who you might meet. Or maybe you'll hate it. But at least you'll know you hate it. If you don't have access to anything like that, maybe take a friend and go for a run. It doesn't have to be serious or difficult, it can just be a leisurely stroll even. The important thing is being active and the social element adds a whole extra dimension to it.

Questions to ask yourself:

If you're like me, you are your own biggest critic. That can be a good and bad thing, but I think the important thing about that is using that in a way that's constructive to you as opposed to destructive. It's up to you to know your limits, but the more you practice it, the better you'll know.

Why am I doing this? Not in the sense that you are bored, but to really examine your intentions. I realized this actually earlier today. I was working on a project at work, and while working on it I realized that all I could think about was how much praise I'd get if I pulled it off. I felt bad for thinking that, but I feel like understanding my true motivations can set me on the right track to doing the project for the right reason, which is to produce quality work and products that will be meaningful to the consumer. I think the big thing for me since realizing that has just been accepting it, being kind with myself, and saying "you know what? I recognize that this is my intention in doing this thing, but I'd find it more fulfilling and produce better quality if I shift my focus to serving the customer in a better, more direct way. I can't deny that I still want recognition, but at least I've been honest with myself and can change course accordingly.

What can I learn from this? I touched on this a little earlier, but flipping the script and asking what I can learn instead of what there is to worry about in doing something does two things: it a) makes the experience more robust in terms of learning, and b) makes the experience all the more enjoyable because I can immerse myself in the doing rather than the worrying. I mean I still consider things that would be harmful or uncomfortable to me, but writing those things out or finding an outlet for those fears is an easy and low-effort way to shift the perspective.

Who am I doing this for? This is one of the bigger ones I've struggled with. I've struggled a lot with it because it hits home especially closely to me. I often find myself doing things to get the attention of others, and I should really do them because I want to do it for myself, to help others, or any other myriad reasons. To be honest, even this blog is a little bit for the purpose of a certain group of people to see. Does that mean I exaggerate things that I say or try to make myself seem more interesting or smarter than I am? I don't think I do, but I guess those who know me best can tell you better than I can. I also try to keep a check on myself so that I don't end up living my life as a big piece of performance art. Learning to be true to myself has been very important, and I haven't done it on my own, so I appreciate those who keep me honest. But at the end of the day, I do this for myself and ultimately for you, dear reader. You're awesome and I want us all to grow together.

What do you think? How do you feel about the questions I've posed? Do you know where you stand on how honest you are with yourself and others? Take some time to ponder these questions.

PS: If you enjoyed (or hated) The Eccentric Engineer mini-series, leave a comment at pisforpositive@gmail.com. I welcome your feedback so I can make this blog a better space for all. Thanks!