Update #5: Fear-setting and other drugs

In this episode: I come out of hiding, I get some snaps for words, and I have a Renaissance (?).

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Oh hey guys, sorry it's been a while but life has been super hectic, what with my moving to a new city and all and getting things set up for my new life. I know it's been almost two weeks since my last post, but I've got some good things I've been working on, and it's time for me to share them with you.

So in my last post, I mentioned at the very end of the post the idea of "fear-setting," which I was recently introduced to by an NPR podcast called the TED Radio Hour, and the episode was titled "Comfort Zone" so I thought I'd give it a listen. The host of the podcast begins to introduce Tim Ferriss, who I'd never heard of before listening to that episode. He's some kind of business man who's known for doing cool things outside of his comfort zone, so I've been told. Anyway, the host mentions Tim Ferriss and brings up the idea of "fear-setting," and from what I understand of it, it's a different type of goal-setting that focuses on accomplishing growth by targeting specific fears. It seemed like a cool idea. After all, the basis for growing is overcoming fears, so what's a better way to do that than facing it head on?

I decided to give it a try, and I wanted to start with something that affects me and affected me all throughout college, and that was social anxiety. I always feared being myself in social settings because I was worried about the judgment of others, when I should have realized that everyone is kind of just focused on making sure they don't look like a fool as well. Anyway, I "fear-set" myself by saying "I'm afraid of public speaking, so I'm going to speak publicly". Seems easy enough once I learned to flip that statement in such a way to make it work for me. Obviously this was my first attempt at it, so it's not going to be a monumental change right away. It's the first step in a larger journey to improve myself in the areas I'd like to develop. My task then became finding a way that I could channel this energy to take action to work on this fear. I'd always wanted to do open-mic poetry nights in college but was too afraid of seeing friends and peers who might be out and think I look silly doing what I wanted to do. So I looked for an open-mic poetry night in my area that was happening soon-ish. I had gone to a coffee shop with a friend a while back, and they had open-mic stand up comedy night, so I looked to see if they had poetry night too, and sure enough they did. I decided that I'd write something up and perform it at the coffee shop. I gathered some friends and we all agreed to go hang out there for the night.

We got there about thirty minutes early by the recommendation of the event's host, so I'd be able to sign up and make sure I'd be able to participate. We ordered our tea and walked over to the signup sheet, at which I was surprised to see that no names were on it yet. It was really tempting to put my name second or third to mentally prepare myself, but I thought that if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this right. I'm going to get the most out of this experience to learn and grow from. I put my name on that first line, a little intimidated. The host was a girl who worked there, and she was very reassuring that there would be more people signing up and that the audience is very supportive. That put me at ease, if just for a little bit. The crowd had grown considerably, and it was a packed house at this point. As 9 PM rolled around, it was time for the event to begin. I was getting nervous as it was time for me to go up there, but the host let one of the coffee shop's former employees have the first go at the. I was relieved, and the guy gave a really good performance. He talked about his struggle of hating things in life but trying so hard to be positive about it and patient. I thought it was a good message and he had a strong delivery.

Then, it was my turn at the mic. I walked up, a little intimidated to follow what I thought was a really strong performance, but I introduced myself and my poem, took a breath, and started reading.

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"It's a Renaissance, Man"

The writer's block is over

The cobwebs of the mind have been swept out

The antidotes to the current pains are being researched

And the bones of old sorrows have been excavated from the depths

And dusted off for examination.

So much knowledge has been created in such a short time.

The university of self has been established,

Its first courses being in passion and truth.

I feel honored to be in this inaugural class

And I understand my responsibility

To my tomorrow's self

To my next week's self

To all my future selves

To dig

To cultivate

To build knowledge

To bring the rebirth to fruition everyday

With the only vigor I know.

The new explosion of truth must be carried forth by me

To my future selves.

I must be my own Modern Muslim Medici,

And build and grow the empire

Of self-esteem and confidence.

I must refine the raw emotions in the quarry of my mind

Into the useful materials of confidence and maturity,

And temper them against the elements with patience and humility.

The responsibility is large

The process is lengthy

But they say the best art comes from a Renaissance,

And it's a Renaissance Man.

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The crowd was indeed very supportive and it got a good reception, and I sighed a sigh of relief of having just done that. Somehow I wasn't nervous in the moment. I was kind of just reading the words that I had written on the paper, and focusing on that as opposed to being worried about the look on the audience's faces. I was proud of myself for having done that, and I felt especially thankful for my good friends who had come out to support me. Without them there cheering me on, I may not have had as good a time or have been as successful with it as I was. So big thanks to those guys for supporting me, as they always do.

I felt pretty good about taking the first step to overcome that fear, and I really think that my self-esteem work that I've been doing over the last month or so has been helpful in getting me to feel like I am capable of going out of my comfort zone to do things like open-mic poetry. Also, credit to my friend Erick for taking the photo.

That was the first in what I hope will be many fears that I set out to directly overcome. Doing this one activity doesn't mean I'm completely over my fear of public speaking, it just means I've done it and know I can do it again. It's a building block for building confidence over time.

Proof

Next time: I'll probably update my affirmations, and I'll walk through how I come up with them. I'll also talk about my experiences that I've had in my new town so far. I've only been here a few days, so I want a decent amount of time to pass before I really can say anything. Until then, happy growing!